And it plunges again.

I can't even begin to explain the feeling. If loving a human could be this wonderful, what is being with God like? I already know some of it, and it's surely greater than anything else I've ever felt. But what is it like after I die? I can only imagine that it's the most miraculous experience a being could experience. My religion - our relationship - is gorgeous and beautiful. It's sanctified. It baffles me that so many artists are atheistic in ritual. Which is an incredible understatement as to my feelings on the matter, by the way. What I have with God is probably the most abstract concept, most untouched by science, most unconditionally beautiful thing that's capable of being 'contained' by a person, or brought to our animalistic planet.

I guess it's just that people kind of ruined it, defiled it - you know, made it ordinary and started crafting all these mundane, obscene associations with it. With 'loving God,' 'being Christlike,' using the vicious tool of written and spoken word to spread hate...simply. And seeing as those artists are a separate faction from these people, and they can only really be outsiders looking in, it won't change. It's static. It will change, but not by my hand, or anyone else's. It's sad that He has to see all this. Sometimes I wonder why He made us all - just so that a small percentage would actually care. I mean, He knows that the majority of us aren't ever truly going to be with Him, so sometimes I wonder why it's worth it - I mean, for Him.

But then I go and I love the human being I love more than any other, and then I remember. Because loving God is about a billion times stronger and better, and it's just absolutely inconceivable. And He gets to have that relationship with so many people. Is He selfish for it? Am I selfish for wanting this person to love me more than they love any other person? God is so dauntingly witty, it scares me. How could he create a better mirror? I never thought it would be so obvious.

But I think I have a pretty heavy understanding of why some artists look down on God (as if He were some non-artistic 'concept,') and sometimes I wish they'd shut up and stop calling themselves artists for a minute so they could focus on something other than themselves. And so it goes.